its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
