We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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