ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
