a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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