Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
we're so committed to being not committed
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
