my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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