she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
