I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
