If i come over, it means nothing
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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