ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
