Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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