I think I won the penis lottery.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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