BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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