haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
