Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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