I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
