So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
