does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
