End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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