I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
