So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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