do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
