capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
