she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
