my vag is so smooth its legendary
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
