So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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