Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
