What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Randomize
