you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
