She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
