you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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