also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
