All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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