I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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