BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
