I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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