Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
