nut hugger
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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