Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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