areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
