dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Operation Purity has been aborted
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
