I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
