I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
