Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
