I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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