I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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