Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
