mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
