You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
