I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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