I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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