Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
