pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
